


You Can't Save The World If You're Not Happy

by CassieWritesDestiel



Series: Peter & Tony || Playlist [2]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Canon Related, Canon Universe, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Inspired by Music, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Peter Parker is a Sweetheart, Peter just tries to help, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Precious Peter Parker, References to Canon, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-09 03:39:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16442285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CassieWritesDestiel/pseuds/CassieWritesDestiel
Summary: "Are you happy, Mr. Stark?"Tony had been prepared for anything but this question. Seemingly, all his attempts to hide his self-hate and other issues from Peter had failed yet still, the kid had an unwavering faith in Tony and tried to let him see why he's a hero to him.





	You Can't Save The World If You're Not Happy

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning: Anxiety/Panic Attack 
> 
> This oneshot was inspired by the song "I Can't Save The World If I'm Not Happy" by Eliza Grace. 
> 
> It's barely edited and i apologize for any mistakes.

“Mr. Stark, can I ask you something?“ Peter asked with a genuinely concerned expression and a slight frown crumpling his forehead. Tony looked up, still always caught by surprise by the kid's politeness, but also by the look on his face. He knew it had to be something important to him, but he couldn't fathom what it was. 

“Of course you can, Petey,” Tony answered, cracking a slight smile, or rather, trying to. 

Peter nodded and then swallowed, preparing himself for the question before he just spilled it out, not wanting to reconsider asking it. “Are you happy, Mr. Stark?“ The question caught Tony completely off guard, and as much as he wanted to lie, it was his instinctive and automatic response to a question like this, with the sincere and big eyes the kid used on him he felt like he couldn't. He didn't want to load all this weight on Peter's shoulders but he deserved the truth, at least part of it. Tony felt the smile fade from his lips, it had felt more like a grimace anyway and maybe Peter could tell the fake from the real. Still, he was at a loss of words. 

“I'm… “ he fumbled with the words, trying to figure out how to say what he wanted to say without worrying the kid too much. “Why are you asking anyway?“ Tony eventually shot back, getting a bit defensive, but as Peter looked down he regretted it. Why had it always to be so difficult? 

“I'm sorry I asked, Sir. It's just, you don't look happy.” 

There briefly was horror in Tony's eyes, because not only was he failing at being happy, which was okay and he could live with that, but also he failed at hiding it and worried Peter. Peter wasn't supposed to worry about him, he was supposed to worry about who to go to prom with, or hell, let him worry about his homework or his exams, but he shouldn't have to look out for him, quite the opposite actually. Tony wanted to look out for the kid, help him if he needed to, but he knew he'd already failed on that, so to prevent another failure he invited Peter to regular afternoons at his tower, and they would build things together, or work on Peter's web fluid, or just anything, and they had fun. So why wasn't Tony happy? 

“Don't worry about it, kid,” Tony said, “there's a lot going on right now and I'm a bit stressed. Nothing to do with you,” he added as he noticed Peter opening his mouth to offer to not come as often, maybe that'd help. Peter offered it anyway. “No, kid, don't say that. This,” he waved around at their work, “is really helping me. Maybe I even need it. Look, kid, if it wasn't for this I'd most likely be drinking more, or doing something else that's not exactly clever despite my top notch brain, so don't even think about not coming as often. Do you need the time for yourself, Peter? Is there an exam you have to prepare for, or maybe someone special you want to try to meet more often?” Tony winked at Peter like a dad would when he's suggesting and approving of his kid having a love interest and Peter rolled his eyes. “If so, of course you don't have to come all the time. This is as much for you as it is for me.”

The Spiderling shook his head. “I just wanted to help, sir. I thought if I wasn't taking as much time away from your work then you wouldn't be as stressed.”

“Peter, I'm stressed anyway. Now, come on, we were on the brink of finishing this super-intelligent gadget here, let's work on that, alright?” 

They returned their attention to the complicated looking wire work in front of them, but soon enough Tony felt Peter's gaze on him again, the kid wouldn't let it go. “What is it, kid?” Tony asked, getting irrationally unnerved by it already. This was going rapidly towards a topic he avoided at all costs and denied if possible. 

“I don't want you to be stressed,” he admitted quietly. “You don't deserve it.” Tony frowned. What was the kid talking about? With all the mess he caused and all the deaths being on his conscience, surely he deserved a bit of stress while trying to tidy and clean it all up? He wasn't a saint, more of the opposite actually, and there was no loss in him not being happy. In the kid’s big eyes, still full of wonder and goodness and belief Tony's long since lost, there was another story however and the engineer desperately wished he could believe it to be true but he just couldn't. 

“Why not?” Tony simply asked, tired of tiptoeing around this yet still on edge alone by the thought of actually dealing with it. 

“You're a hero, Mr. Stark,” Peter exclaimed and Tony chuckled at the childish truth in this, or at least what Peter still believed to be the truth and maybe would never stop, because this was the man he'd looked up to all his life. 

“Where'd you get that idea?” he asked back, but there was a smile by the thought alone that someone like Peter could see him as a hero. The kid suddenly looked sad, a bit betrayed by Tony's disbelief in himself. It was an expression Tony didn't want to see on his face and him being the reason for it just made it even more gravely. 

“You've saved so many people, Mr. Stark, for example remember when Mr. Hammer attacked your expo with his drones? You stopped them, and you saved a little kid too stubborn to walk away from them…” At first, Tony looked down as the memory surfaced, it wasn’t a good one, those drones and the deaths and injuries they caused had all been because of him. Those drones only came into existence because he’s Ironman, not really a honorable mention, but as Peter mentioned the kid, he met his gaze again in surprise. How could Peter know about that? There wasn’t really a way he’d possibly know about this, except for…

“That kid was you?” he clarified and he wasn’t sure whether his heart sank or there was a proud feeling when Peter confirmed it with a nod. 

“I actually thought that I had superpowers in that moment, I felt like you in that mask and the fake repulsors and then you showed up and told me ‘good job’ for something you’d done… I’ll never forget this,” Peter explained with a dreamy smile and Tony couldn’t help but chuckle, yet he couldn’t shake off the concern. 

“You shouldn't have been there, in midst of all the fighting! Hell, you nearly died there because of that stupid mask, trying to impersonate me. Not your best idea, I give you that, kid.”

“I’ve always wanted to be like you, Mr. Stark, because you’re a hero.” 

Tony shook his head and sighed. “You shouldn’t aspire to be this, Peter. This,” He pointed up and down at himself, “is a mess. I want you to be better, kid, I know you have it in you to be better than this utter mess that is me.” The hope in Peter’s eyes faded again as his attempt at cheering up Tony and showing him that he indeed was a hero hadn’t worked. 

“You told me that before, remember?” He whispered, “When I messed up on that ferry and you flew in and saved the day? You were the real hero on that day.” Tony didn’t respond but he stared as he tried to look at it in this way, he’d never considered that indeed, he had been the hero that day, despite all of Spider-Man’s tries. 

“And you saved the world, Mr. Stark, more than once,” Peter continued, moving on from a memory he didn’t really want to think about either. “You even were ready to die for the world, you were ready to sacrifice yourself but still got out alive, like when you fell back through the hole in the sky during the battle in New York in the last minute after you flew in to get rid of that bomb, that's…” 

But Tony didn't listen anymore, he couldn't. He thought he'd been over this, but suddenly it was there again, all at once, crashing in on him and stealing his air like the vacuum in space had done when he'd flown in there. He couldn't remember how he made it out, couldn't remember, all was black, no vision, and the dial hadn't gone through to Pepper, would she even know what happened? He closed his eyes, there wasn't much else he could do, ready to accept his fate, but why did he still feel like he had to escape, what was this pain in his chest, why was he snapping for air he didn't deserve like a fish on dry ground? He didn't know what was happening, and his mind was spiraling within his flashback, so as he felt the hard concrete of the floor as he slid down somewhere, he only wondered whether his suit had always felt like that, cold, hard, and unwelcoming, not soothing at all, yet still a ground to rely on to be there.  

“...Mr. Stark, sir? Can you hear me?” a voice sounded from far away, but Tony couldn't make out who it was, and he couldn't focus, his mind still going ‘round and ‘round like a damn carousel. “Tony?” the voice asked again, a young, still somehow childlike and innocent voice, finally breaking through the barrier of his mind. He needed a minute of heavy breathing until he recognized the blurry face in front of him, misty behind tears in his eyes and Tony blinked frantically, he didn't want to cry but it was way too late. “Tony, sir, Mr. Stark, breathe, please, just try to breathe,” the worry and panic in the voice was almost too much for Tony, but he tried to focus, tried to calm down, he wanted to so why couldn't he? Maybe he didn't deserve to, and with this thought the spiral sped up again. The tears spilled out his eyes as he concentrated on the only other face in the room. Peter. Spiderling, no, Spider-Man. Great kid. The best kid he's ever known. 

“The ambulance will be here in a minute, Mr. Parker,” Friday's voice sounded from somewhere above them and Tony closed his eyes again. They had called an ambulance? No. No, this couldn't happen. 

“Thank you, Friday,” Peter answered the AI with relief. 

“No,” Tony mumbled, and Peter returned his attention to his mentor. 

“Tony? Mr. Stark, sir? It's going to be alright, just try to breathe, okay? And don't die?” His voice sounded much calmer now, for which Tony was grateful, but this still couldn't wash away the insecurity in it, for example that he didn't know how to call him. The engineer seemed to respond more to being called Tony, yet he felt uncomfortable and impolite when he didn't refer to him as Mr. Stark. The not-dying-bit made Tony chuckle and Peter smiled slightly at the positive response. 

The ambulance people rushed in and crouched down next to Tony's site, sending another wave of anxiety over the man because he didn't know who they were, he didn't want them to take him away, being in a hospital would make this all too real. He backed away, barely answered their questions, but then he met the kid’s worried stare. The kid who only wanted to help him, the kid who called the ambulance because he didn't know how to help him better than this, the kid who wouldn't stop worrying about him. 

“Peter?” he asked. 

“Yes, Mr. Stark?” 

“You're a great kid, never forget that.” He cracked a slight, but exhausted smile in-between still unsteady breaths. “Why are you so eager to help me?”

“Because you can't save the world if you're not happy, Mr. Stark. And you deserve to be happy,” Peter answered and Tony knew it wasn't a lie.

 


End file.
